What's the matter with me?

Why can't I move my ass today?

I really really wanted to go upstairs and work on my clothing situation. Instead, I sat down and didn't get up.

There are times I hate myself.

Joy!

Jesse and Liz announced to us that they're expecting! We will be grandparents after all!

Back to the Land of the Living

If it wasn't the flu, it was the worst cold I've ever experienced! It's been 8 days, and while I am finally able to get up and around, I'm still short of breath -- can't finish sentences! -- and coughing and producing volumes of snot.
Yuck.

I had to miss the Plymouth weekend, and the worst part of that was slipping back to the horrors of the ghosts of England since Jack was away. I thought it might help if I went back to the book, "After the Affair." It didn't. I may have to go deeper into it.

Have I let him off the hook? Have I made it too easy?

And how could he have lied so easily, and how could I not know it?

Philcon

A very good experience at Philcon, and I think I made myself known in a positive way. I was on a panel discussing the heroine's journey as opposed to the hero's journey (monomyth). I made several good points regarding the nature of the heroine's goals as well as the outcomes for her companions. Then another panel was what life would be like if Christianity hadn't come along. I was supposed to be moderating it, but there were two Jewish women there who kind of dominated the whole discussion. Then the final one was "The Monster That Lurks Within," which was a weird title because it was more about the idea of someone becoming something else, like a zombie, against his or her will.

But it was a great joy to spend time with folks I haven't seen in a while.

Of course, I now have a case of Con Crud!

Turning 63

So Saturday night I felt my usual cold and throat infection coming on, just like that, and I spent a miserable night coughing and snuffling.

But when I woke up, my whole upper back was in outrageous pain, burning, paralyzing, all the way down my arms and up into my neck and jaw. I couldn't even lift my arms to get dressed. After about a half hour, my breath started getting short, and then I felt a squeezing in my chest. As soon as Jack got home from church, I told him I was heading to the ER. Of course he wanted to be with me, but Vagabonds had a parade that not only needed him, but also Mike who was riding with us.

Of course, given my symptoms, I got right in, got an EKG right away -- and it was normal. So I got a chest X-ray. It was normal. They did a CT. It was normal. Meanwhile, I still can't move my arms, can't stand up straight, crying for pain.

The ER doc said I probably pulled a muscle. Jackass. But since I was still feeling the pain in my chest as well, they agree to hold me overnight, test my blood for heart attack enzymes, and do a full nuclear stress test. Meanwhile, my throat infection is getting worse, my ears are ringing, now my head is on fire, and everyone's ignoring that. The doctor allowed them to give me a muscle relaxer because he insisted I was having a spasm. The muscle relaxer wasn't enough to calm down the the restless legs. And I kept getting woken up for blood draughts. I finally asked for Tramadol, and then I was finally able to get a few hours of sleep before the stress testing.

So that's how I spent my birthday today--4 hours getting stress tested. But Jack was waiting for me when I got back to my room, and the hospital staff on the wing had brought me a balloon and a bag of gummies -- so sweet!

The doctor came in to discharge me, and approved a flu shot for me as well as a Z pack for my throat. He still insisted it was a pulled muscle.

So I'll probably never know what it was all about!

But happy birthday to me.

So

So he made love to me last night. No intercourse, just marvelous tongue.

I can't help remembering that he was able to fuck her without "those silly pills," as she called them. While I was in a room down the hall waiting for him.


When do I give up?