Sucky Day

I've had a toothache on and off for five years, ever since I got a crown to replace a metal filling on an old root canal. So today I went to the dentist to insist he figure out what's what. He decided to remove the crown and regrind the base and then later do another root canal to make sure. And he's charging me for a full root canal!

And it hurts like hell.

Plus, my blood work came back with bad sugar and cholesterol, so the doctor wants me to go on a diabetic diet. I don't even know what that is, except maybe more veggies and fish. And he says more exercise, walking every day.

All news that sucks.

Normality

It's good to be back home.

I haven't really talked about my feelings with Jack, about how to go about trusting -- really trusting -- again. He does hug me a lot more and tell me how much he loves me and is "here." That helps.

I'm purging my closets, too! After spending ten days in that house, barely able to move, fearing for my life as things piled up threatened to crush me.

Visited the doctor about my shortness of breath ever since that November incident, and especially since the pneumonia. He's sending me to a pulmonologist.

And I'm heading for bloodwork as well. I'll get up early tomorrow and head out on an empty stomach.

Steps to wellness of a kind.

Panic Attack

It’s late. I’m in Texas. I have pneumonia. I’m frustrated as hell that my sister is a psychotic woman and her husband is a moron with paranoid delusions. 

But worst of all I am angry at Jack for fucking the last 7 years of my life and there’s nothing I can do about it. Once again I come back to the realization that there is nothing he can say or do that I can believe or believe in. 

I’m panicking over this. I’m so alone and frightened. 

Right now I hate him and I want my husband back. 

2018

After a lovely lovely time at the Farrells' for their NYD celebration, I start a new year at the gym.

Please, oh please, let this happen!~