Uncertainty

I was really happy when Cindy Fulgham texted the other day and asked to go to breakfast. Joan Mattson would join us. I've been looking forward to it. It was good to talk to them. Just talk. I did tell them about Jack. Joan was concerned: "What are you doing for you?"

I did actually bring up my biggest fear to Jack the other night. We were lying in bed and I said, "I'm really scared to go to England." He said, "Me too." He wasn't sure whether to send her a note in advance telling her to stay away or not. I told him not. We talked about it at a good length. I felt really good afterwards. I felt like he's honestly here.

But there are still times I'm uncertain.

Health Hell

I have been having so many problems with breathing since January.

I've actually had some issues for the past year. It seemed like any sudden shift of focus made me pant for air.

But after the Texas trip, I have not been able to finish sentences, which has been exhausting. So I went to a pulmonologist, who put me on a quick fix first to see where it got me. The nasal spray worked really well for fixing my sinuses, but the albutirol didn't do a thing for me, and in fact, I felt like I was getting worse. So I called and he ordered a blood test and a chest x-ray, asked for my cardiology records, and I went right away and saw him immediately after. My chest is clear, my lungs are clear, my heart is in great shape. 

So he brings up sleep apnea. And I told him I know I have it. But he told me something I didn't know about apnea. Apnea causes you to wake up, and waking up pushes two hormones (I forget which ones he named) that causes fat to be stored around the upper torso to protect the heart and lungs and organs. And it's true that I have more fat above my waistline than below, so that makes sense to me. And his theory is that the fat is pressing on my lungs and diaphragm. 

So I am getting a methochlori-something test which checks for asthma triggers and lung strength or something. I'm also getting a sleep analysis because he needs the test results in order to prescribe a mask or whatever.

I can't imagine wearing a CPAP mask. I hate things on my face. But if it will put me to sleep before my legs start kicking or the mask drives me nuts, I won't mind.

He also gave me a different inhaler, which seems to be helping a little at a time.

"And so it goes."


Update: the asthma test was negative. Yay me.