I have given too much power over to that woman. Christmastide was joyless except for the family being here all day. I love them so much! But the excitement and anticipation and the care of decorating the house and wrapping gifts was just not there. All I could remember was that first Christmas after discovering the affair. I asked for a diamond ring for commitment, and then find him the day after chatting with her again. He couldn't give her up. Slinking around for another couple of months, even through counseling. Then she showed up in Kirkrade unbeknownst to me and the two of them spent days fucking while I was hanging around waiting for him.
I cry every single night. I relive the pain of discovery, the pain of betrayal, the pain of doubt and suspicion. I wonder if I did the right thing staying. I have a very deep fear she will show up in Jamaica.
I think I should talk to my doctors about a different anti-depressant.
