It's been ...

So we have talked. A lot.

He connects his affair, as well as his "dysfunctional" sex drive, to porn.

In other words, she's cheaper than porn sites and 900 calls.

She sent him a long letter accusing and demanding and again saying she makes him much happier than I do. He denies that. But it's pretty clear that they talked and texted daily, and sometimes for hours on end. For the last four years. I still can't get over that -- I was RIGHT THERE in Kerkrade, and he still went to her place for sex! I cannot figure out how I was so blinded.

But I have decided I will stay and make it work. He has already begun looking for guidance on his porn addiction.

I am still sick to my stomach, and I'm sleeping on the third floor. It's serene up here. No chaos. Just a sharp pain in my tummy.

I am glad that this happened now, when I feel I am emotionally healed a lot. I feel strong enough to handle it this time. I'm angry instead of hurt. I am getting answers instead of apologies. It's different.

I decided to apply for Social Security benefits instead of trying to get a job to make the extra income we need to get ahead together.

And if it fails, I have enough in my IRA to buy a place down South and maintain it.

I am not going to let it fail, though. I'm not sure how I'll manage that, but I will.