Numb

I just feel numb right now.

I can't feel joy when he hugs me or kisses me. I don't mind sharing time together. He wants to be in the kitchen with me, wants to walk the dogs together, wants to go places with me like shopping or errands. All well and good, but mostly I just want to be left alone right now. I'm still processing things -- thoughts, images, words.

He wants to hug me a lot to show me how much he loves me, how glad he is I'm still here hanging on. But I just can't enjoy it. I feel like I'm in eighth grade again, creeped out by boys with their arms around me so I can't move.

This is so painful.