Easy Grace

He says, "I'm an ass. It's you I love."

But I heard that already. Years ago, when he did the same thing. And after he swore it was done and over, I find him on with her again. And then again. And again after that. Month after month, his sneaking his message exchanges, apologizing after he got caught, and doing it again.

Each text a conscious decision to do something he knew would tear me apart, and he did it over and over and over.

I granted him his dignity then. I didn't blab it all over Facebook or tell the family. I told him then that if I learned of any further contact with her, the gloves were off.

I remember so clearly one of the texts he sent her after I'd caught him out the first time: Give her time to calm down. We just need to wait. I swear we'll be together.

At the same time, he talks about his retirement plans with me, the "five year plan."

He has no conscience.

That's what I can't abide. That he can systematically day after day break his word with no compunction. And only after he's caught out -- again -- does he say he's sorry and he was being stupid. Again.

So no, Jack. No easy grace. I seriously have to debate living with someone who has no conscience and so little respect for me, especially in the context of church and our faith. I am not coming home until I can figure out whether I am better off with or without you.